Friday, February 11, 2011

BAD Valentines Day Gifts

3 whole days and counting until Valentine's Day. Your "love interest" needs a gift. The intent is there, now for the follow through. 
Don't play yourself. 
The following gifts are not gonna make it this year. 


Don't be lazy. Any untrained animal can run to the mall and snatch up a few gift cards from [insert department store where no one on earth shops]. 

If you can't find your way around the bedroom and you think tips from an 80 year old sexpert is the solution, you might not have to worry about buying someone a gift next year. Just saying.

Now this is just plain rude. Divorce papers on Valentine's day is like asking for someone to slash the tires on your new car, haul a brick through the window and etch sweet nothings across the paint job with a kitchen knife. Pick a better day to drop the hammer or get ready to pick out a new ride.

Of course your wife would love to smell like urine, sweat, and female arousal. That's actually what you will find in this bottled vaginal scent subtly called Vulva. Dab a little bit of this behind your ear and you'll bring all the registered sex offenders to the yard. 

Unless you are in grade school, reconsider the gift if you can get it at your neighborhood drug store. Chocolates and singing bears... now you're not even trying. At least take the toothpaste and deodorant out of the bag before you give her the heart shaped box of Ferrero Rocher.

There are other options out there. Better ones. I encourage you to explore these options at 

You have been informed ~vK

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